How To Make Authentic Connections?

So, this is a great question because your ability to make authentic connections is going to directly impact the effectiveness and success of your business. I’ve got three strategies that I use to build authentic connections and I’m going to share those with you here. 

Strategy #1 - Lower the Stakes

I think that part of the way that we can psych ourselves out, is by stepping into the relationship already ready to ask for business or with a transaction in mind, when in reality, that’s not how you build a meaningful connection. So when I say lower the stakes, I mean, go into the conversation with no transaction in mind. 

I don’t want to say “don’t have an agenda” even though there’s a negative connotation to the word, because there’s nothing wrong with having a few bullet points of what you want to discuss with someone. But you want to be sure that even with the bullet points, you are engaging with that person as opposed to trying to secure a contract or transaction. 

For example, I had a meeting with a funder and I knew I only had a short amount of time. I didn’t type out any sort of agenda, but I did have three questions that I wanted to ask. I knew it wouldn’t be the end of the world if we didn’t get to all three, but it was a great way to temperature gauge the power dynamic and get a sense of who might be driving the conversation. 

So, I had these three questions and used them as a bit of a roadmap for the conversation. I think that’s a better word than agenda in this instance, because my questions could guide the conversation, but in no way controlled it. Having a roadmap is a great way to discern how you want to engage in dialogue with whoever you are talking to. 

So, that's my first recommendation, is to lower the stakes. If you just happen to be sitting next to someone on the train, on an airplane, or randomly at a social function, just approach it from the frame of mind of “We’re just having a conversation” and make it a dialogue (not a monologue!).

And I think, oftentimes, we come into these types of entry conversations or entry points in a relationship assuming that we're going to click and connect with everyone. That is not always the case, and that's okay. You don't have to force it. There have been a lot of great people who have really powerful titles that I've met and spent time with and realized that we don’t click. And that's okay!

Strategy #2 - Be Visible

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the more visible you are, the more connections you’re organically and naturally creating.

For example, it's becoming more and more frequent that I'm getting messages from people on social media, who's like, "So-and-so recommended that I follow you." And I'm like, "Oh, that's great. And I'm so glad we're connected." And, I know that's a direct result of me being consistent, visible and showing up. 

Now, when I’m talking about visibility, I don’t mean the amount of likes and comments you get per post or live, because that’s not how we measure visibility, and that's where you want to get a little bit deeper into your insights.

If you're looking at your insights on social media, you want to be looking at your impressions because that’s how you determine how many people actually saw your post. Even if your post gets 10 or 20 likes, it might have 100 or 1,000 impressions which means 1,000 people saw your post. 

Social media is not the only way to remain visible either. Conferences, webinars, going live, and email updates are all great ways to remain visible to your audience. I have a couple of folks in my network who send a quarterly personal email update to folks in their network saying "Hey, I just want you to know that this is what I'm up to."

Strategy #3 - Nurture the Relationship

When we're talking about how to make authentic connections, nurturing the relationship is a huge part of that. So, I'll share with you a little bit of my strategy, and if you like Myers Briggs stuff, I’m an ENTJ and the T stands for thinking which is actually to opposite of F which stands for feeling. 

So I say that to say that for me, I don’t necessarily lead with relationships, I lead with thinking which means I’ve got to be a bit more strategic about connecting with people because connecting with people isn’t really my default, it doesn’t come as naturally to me as it might if I was an ENFJ. My default is around information, and because of that, I needed a strategic way to build connections with people. 

So if I meet someone for coffee or a check-in, part of nurturing the relationship is retaining the information they shared with me, and reaching out anytime after that moment, if I saw, read, heard, or thought about something that reminded me of them. 

For example, if we had a moment where we were talking about something they were interested in, let’s say Guatemalan coffee beans, and maybe a month later I read an article about Guatemalan coffee beans, I’d share the article with that person with a quick note of something like “Hey, I just happened to randomly think about you this week, given our last conversation. We were talking about this. Came across this article and just wanted to share. Hope all is well!"

So that’s what I mean when I say nurture the relationship. It’s about being mindful of the things that people share with you, listening and making the connection with it. And if a memory of someone just comes up to you naturally, don’t keep that to yourself. Reach out and say "Hey, I just wanted to check in. How are you doing? What's most pressing for you?" And this isn’t just in my business, I do this with my friends too! 

I hope this resonates with you, because building authentic connections is such a valuable skill. And if you’re thinking “this is great but I don’t even know who to connect with” then I encourage you to take an hour or two to go through your linked in and Facebook. Review all of your connections and reach out to maybe 10 or 15 people with a quick note of something like “Hey, It's been a while. I would love to reconnect and hear about how things are going for you." and you never know what kind of connections might happen. I think we often forget all the people we have built connections with over our career.

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